Why do we develop crushes? How long do we hold on to those feelings of affinity for strangers, and when do we let go? What initiates that first spark of attraction, that makes you notice them initially? And then what keeps you going when given so precious little to go on?
I'm going to dig up an obscure crush from my past. I'd found references to an 'M' in some of my old journals, and couldn't for the life of me even remember who M was. Then today I found a cartoon I drew of him in a sketchbook. Now I recall- he was the kids with the cool hat that was in my biology class my first semester of college. I don't think we ever even had a proper conversation- but I was convinced there was something remarkable about him.
What was it? It had to be more than his hat. I think he had gorgeous eyes, and seemed friendly, though a little reserved. I remember I would look forward to class, to see him, though we wouldn't talk. Observing was always enough to feed my hunger. The days he was absent (and these were multiple) I would wonder where he was... how mysterious was M!
I would spend time in class daydreaming about things we would talk about if we talked. Where we might go on a date, movies he would like, far off places we could adventure to together... all the while trying to keep from drooling at his beautiful curly brown hair poking out from the crocheted cap he always wore.
Towards the end of the semester I began to work up the courage to talk to M. We didn't have much to say besides small talk about class' interesting aspects or the lack of. The only things I found out about him were that he missed class cause he didn't like getting up early. He worked at Applebee's. He really liked anime and manga. This being all I discovered despite a few weeks of prying, one would think I would accept that our amazing whirlwind romance would never take off- but no, I kept thinking about him. He was probably just shy, maybe he expressed himself better through writing, maybe he liked me and I made him nervous!
I don't remember when I stopped having this particular crush. Likely I found a new object of secret affection- my journal documents 'I saw M today and he doesn't affect me at ALL anymore like T does!'
I think many of us (or at least me!) are suckers for a good love story, and one that is purely fantasy is still something! There's a great lyric by Emmit Rhodes- 'to get by, to live your life- you must have for every love lost a love that's new' and I think there's some truth in that- once we meet someone new who has not yet proved himself to NOT be 'the one', we are ready to remove that label from the previous object and thrust it onto this new unsuspecting guy. I'm sorry, confusing logic, but basically the crush-ready heart loves to assume good until proven wrong- Mr. New Crush is the ideal target. Since you know nothing about him, you are quite sure he's perfect!
hmm... ok... I'm on the lookout now... ;-)